A New Kind of War
by Roku-Namikaze
Summary: War has change. Over the years, countries fought over land, injustices, and sometimes even over little things. But this war was different. It was something even I couldn't have foretell. It was a war unlike any before it. I alone face this new threat.


War has change. Over the years, countries fought over land, injustices, and sometimes even over little things. But this war was different. It was something even I couldn't have foretell. It was a war unlike any before it. I alone face this incoming threat. These enemies were cunning. One mistake and it would be all over for me. I had to out think them. All had a single goal: stop Naruto Uzumaki. All the choices I made led to the formation of this large army. I alone faced them head-on on the streets of Konohagakure. I will not lose this war; I won't anyway. They are playing a dangerous game; a game in which I am undefeated in. They think they can stop me, they think I will go down easily. They better think again. Come at me with everything you got, my beautiful cherry blossom.

***A few hours prior***

_Time: 7:34 a.m._

The day began like any other day. I found my drowsy self staring at the small cracked mirror nailed to my bathroom wall. With a twist of a knob, the sink that lay underneath it began pouring the crystalline liquid. Instead of using my hands to pour water over my face like any normal person, I place my entire head in the way of the on-coming water. Deciding that I was quite soak enough, I shut the water off and grab the nearby towel. I place the towel over my face, scrubbing the dirt off as I walk out of the bathroom to head towards the kitchen. I didn't need the use of my eyes to do so as I have grown accustomed to walking like this towards the kitchen. The beeping sound of my old microwave indicated that my breakfast has been cooked. The heat stung my hand as I took out the extremely hot cup out of the microwave. Sitting down at the nearby table, I began thinking about how I will spend the last day of my summer vacation. I have already gone to the beach multiple time with the guys, got my perverted teacher in trouble with the women of Konoha, failed multiple times at unmasking my sensei, and even failed at getting the lovely pink rose to attend a sold out movie première with me. Though that last one was probably my fault for using the word date in the first place. And then it hit me like a full blown Giant Rasengan to the face. Not once during my vacation have I pranked someone. I had multiple openings to do so but I ignore my impulse to do so. That is until today. I think it is time for me to end this vacation on a high note. But now the question became who I should prank first. Hm, I can't prank the guys as we all agreed not to prank the other which led to my victims becoming only the female population. But there was a problem with that. A very hot, always pissed off, pink problem that would most likely kill me if I even went with this plan. An internal battle occurred. One half wanted to go ahead and prank till my heart's contempt, the other warn that I will die young. Unfortunately for that half, I believe that wasn't a very good reason to stop me.

At 8:13 a.m. I, Naruto Uzumaki, host of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, began a massive pranking attack on the females of Konoha whose ages ranges from 12 to 18 years of age. At 10:44 a.m., the victims retaliated.

***Present time***

Time has flown by to the point that I have forgotten what time it is now. They have forced me into a corner I never had the pleasure of meeting before. I was forced to keep my guard up at all times as they began to hunt me down in very large groups. The order to stop me was change; now they have to capture me alive and bring me to her. She was my (unintentional I might add) victim. But I knew better, for they did not want to stop me. No they wanted to prove that even the self proclaim Prankster King can be pranked. They are planning to take that precious title away from me. I began this Prankster War and I will end it with me as the sole victor. And when this is over, you shall all bow down to the King. Hahahaha!

***PNA (Prank Naruto's Ass) Base***

**10:30 AM**

"Ladies for so many years we have to endure with the unpredictable, troublemaking force of nature that is Naruto Uzumaki. For many years, we all had to put up with the constant pranks coming from him. Although some were funny, others have cause pain and suffering amongst the general populace of our fair village. Today, the blond spiky hair baka has cross a very thin line he once treaded. Today, he has chosen us girls as his latest victims with many more to come. He calls himself the Prankster King because he has never been pranked or out pranked. But his reign of terror will end today. Ladies, it is time for us to rise and stop this impending doom. It is time for us to prank the Prankster King!" The 16 year old cherry blossom was rewarded with a huge round of applause. She has tolerated her teammate's extra curricular activities for many years. Although she never approved of his non-work activities, she will admit she often found herself laughing at some of his most memorable pranks. However, he took things too far. She was never one of his many victims until today. She was minding her own business as she walks through the market place window shopping when she came across her blond teammate. She greeted him like she always does by coming up behind him and scare him up a bit. Unfortunately when she did, a bucket full of what seem to be milk landed on her head. A string was tied to the handle, a string whose other end lay in his hand. Laughter was soon replaced by a deathly quiet when Naruto finally took in who he prank first. However, laughter broke the silence when Naruto receive word from his clones that the rest of the pranks he had set up had all victimized another soul. While this was going on, Sakura turn many different shades of red. Anger, embarrassment, and a whole slew of emotion swirl in her. She wanted to murder her "friend" right on the spot but his conversation with his clones through the use of walkie talkie stops her from doing so. No she would not commit murder. No death would only serve as a reward for him. She would gather all who was pranked and formulate a plan to publicly embarrass him. Oh yes she would do that, oh yes indeed. It only took her half an hour to locate everyone but the sheer number of those victimized surprised her. Her teammate was able to pranked nearly 200 girls around her age.

And so with her speech given, she and the rest of the girls began formulating plans to take down Naruto once and for all.

***Prank #1***

**Graceful Fall and Everlasting Pain**

The girls decided to test Naruto with their first prank. They wanted to see where they needed to improve on in order to successfully prank him. They chose Ichiraku's Ramen as the first place of assault. They all knew he would end up there for lunch. All they had to do was somehow convince the owner to let them go ahead with their plans. Luckily for them, Ayame was one of his many victims and was working alone at the stand before being prank. So now that they had the place, it was time for them to set up the prank. They made sure that the stool he always sits on was a bit loose so that when he would sit down, he would fall flat on his back. And if that didn't work, Ayame had prepared his favorite bowl of ramen with an added dose of Exlax. Oh how he would spend the day hole up in his bathroom.

It was around noon when they finally finish setting up their prank. Knowing their plan might not work if they stood outside the stand, they girls hid behind and assortment of things and waited. They didn't have to wait long for their potential victim to arrive as he was mere feet away from the stand. The watch as he pull the flaps aside to enter the ramen stand. He walks over to his seat but suddenly stop.

The moment he arrives to his favorite stand, Naruto felt a great disturbance in the force. It was as if thousands of little Narutos and years of pranking cried out in agonizing pain before complete silence fell. When he got inside the establishment, he knew something was wrong. Ayame was smiling at him, and that seem strange to him as he thought she would have most likely been angry with him. He walks casually over to his seat, his eyes still on Ayame for anything out of the ordinary. Then he saw it: a twinkle in her eyes, one that he knows too well. He switches gears and sat on the stool on the opposite left of his favorite one. He then notices how forced her smile was on her face. He listens carefully to her strained voice when she asks if he wanted the usual. Taking no chances, Naruto decided to order Shrimp Miso instead of Chicken Miso. As Ayame turn her back towards him, Naruto inspected the seat next to him. He soon found out that there were some screws missing. He chuckled lightly knowing that this was done at the hands of a newbie. Then from the corner of his eyes, he saw Ayame pour something into his bowl. Then he saw them. A mirror hung in the back of the shop showcase several girls looking intently at the shop. One stood out in particular.

They should know that they are playing a dangerous game. A game in which he has never lost. So he decided to have a little fun.

"Hey Ayame, add another bowl to that order. I feel bad for what I did earlier and I thought I should treat you. Besides you look like you need something to eat." A smile adorned his face. Ayame decided to do as he said and made another bowl for herself. However, she made sure to remember which one was drugged. Unbeknownst to her, so did Naruto. She places both bowls before him and went to the back of the shop to drop off her apron. That was a big mistake. Naruto, while keeping an eye of Ayame and the mirror, switch both bowls. Ayame came back and sat next to him. Deciding to play along with this game, Naruto was to first to eat his ramen.

"You know Ayame; something is kinda off with the ramen. But it still is great!" He immediately slurped down the rest of his bowl. Ayame and the girls chuckled a bit darkly, thinking that they finally prank Naruto. And on their first attempt nonetheless. Ayame slurped her own bowl when she noticed something was wrong. The ramen tasted different as if there was some kind of weir me..d..i..cine. THE BASTARD! He switched the bowls when she wasn't looking. Turning about in order to face him, she saw him standing with a wide smirk on his face. Standing proudly, Naruto yelled out so the girls in hiding could hear as well.

"You cannot prank the Prankster King!" And with that said, Naruto mock saluted first at Ayame's direction, then towards the rest of the girls in hiding, and finally sprinted out of there while laughing maniacally. The girls watch the dust cloud that was left behind in stupor. Their attention then turn in the direction of Ayame who vomited moments ago.

"Oh, kami! I Think I am going to be si-" A massively collected "Ewww!" was heard all across the village.

They knew they had to step their game up.

***Prank #2***

**Rope-A-Dope**

The girls' next assault point was the training grounds. Using all kinds of trash lying about, the girls set up a trap in which a single rope can lead to embarrassing consequences. The trap was set up as follow: Naruto would walk up to the training ground and would always drop of his jacket in front of the post he got tied up years ago. What he won't see is the rope being hid by a genjutsu. The genjutsu only affects him, so it lets the girls see if his foot is in the inside of the small circle. Once his foot is there, Sakura would pull the rope with her strength, trapping his foot with the rope. He would then be lifted up in the air to cause a chain reaction. With his body in the air, a bucket full of tar falls down from the top branch where the rope overlays. Once he is cover in tar, two opened bags of feathers would come from both his left and right side to cover his tar body. It all ends with girls placing a red glove on his head, celebrations taking place around his body. They all chuckle darkly when they heard footsteps heading their direction. Hiding amongst the bushes, they waited patiently for their prey.

Naruto walked calmly towards his destination. He knew the girls are not going to give up until he got what he deserves. Unfortunately, he won't go down without a fight. After the little incident at the stand, Naruto decided to keep his guard up. He was more aware of his surroundings than ever before. Upon his arrival, Naruto quickly notice something was wrong. They thought they could fool him with **that**. Pfft, amateurs. Like before, Naruto decided to have some fun. But now he needed a victim. Hmm….oh yes, she would do. Already a victim in mind, Naruto walks over to his post and places his foot in the trap. Before Sakura had the chance to pull, Naruto Kawarami himself with his target. In a matter of seconds, the victim was cover in tar and feathers. The girls crowded around the body, place the red glove on, and celebrated.

"Yes! YES! Ha! We did it! We finally did it girls!" Sakura yelled out. The girls began hugging one another, some were even crying. It was indeed a time of great celebrations.

"Yay! What are we celebrating for anyway?" All the celebrating cease to a complete stop. Every pair of eyes slowly turned towards the figure behind Sakura. There in all his tar less and featherless glory stood Naruto. They were horrified. How could he have known? Wait! If he is there, then who is that? All eyes turned toward the still dangled body of one Ino Yamanaka.

"ALL HAIL THE PRANKSTER KING!" Once again, the self proclaim king mock saluted the girls and left in dusty cloud trail.

***Present time***

**Naruto's POV**

All their attempts have proven futile. But I must admit they are getting better with each prank. Every attempt against my kingdom has all fail so far. But I fear the worst is yet to come. My people, my delinquents, your king has never faced a challenge such as this before. But fear not for no mere mortal cannot stop me nor will they take our fair kingdom from our grasp. We will fight till our dying breath. We will show them no mercy. They cannot understand that Narutoland belongs to the Narutos.

They think they can bring complete order to this land but they don't seem to grasp it yet. Where there is order, there is always chaos and I am an agent of chaos. I have already proven to some that it is impossible to stop me but there are still others who need some convincing. Especially her, the love of my life, the woman whom I would go to hell and back for, the woman I would like to- _Why am I talking to my own reflection?_

***Many, many failed pranks later***

**Death by love**

_Time: 6:34 p.m._

A fourth of the self mad army gave up after many were pranked by their own pranks. It was nearly impossible to stop the sick psychopath. How the hell can someone even stop the demon? Is as if he knows their every move before they even know what move to make. They needed to stop him and they needed to do so fast. And a last ditch effort was formulated. However, one opposed of this plan. Sakura has known for a while her teammate's feelings towards her. She herself can admit that she has grown considerately close to her friend and has started developing some feelings for him as well. So when the girls decided to have Sakura use his feelings for her against him in order to distract him so they can ambush him with all kinds of fruits, vegetables, and garbage, Sakura was the first to speak up. She never intended to take this event this far. Yeah, her day began on a sour note but she has been enjoying this day to the point where she no longer care about the war with Naruto. However, the rest didn't felt the same way as her. They wanted to really hurt Naruto not just physically but emotionally as well. Sakura outright refused but some of her fellow girls decided to use dirty handed tactics on her. They were planning to blackmail her, using what was once privately amongst a few people to get her to agree to do her part. Sakura was furious and scared. She wanted to know how they came about that information but she also didn't want the others to find out. You see during the three years Naruto was gone, Sakura went on a mission to a foreign land. Her entire team was killed and she was found nearly dead with what seem like a katana piercing her around her pelvis. Tsunade was able to heal her but had to give her some dreadful news. The katana that had pierced her body had also pierced one of her reproductive organs. Thus it effectively ended any chance of her ever giving birth. This information was only known between her, Tsunade, and her parents. The threat of course came from long time bully, Ami. She agreed to do this but promise Ami that she will never forget this.

Sakura left the base disgusted. She really didn't want to do this at all. She spent a while looking for fox boy. She look everywhere for but still couldn't find him. He wasn't at his apartment, Ichiraku's, the training ground, at the hot springs annoying Lord Jiraiya, or asking Shishou for a high rank mission. She almost gave up when she heard an evil laughter near the Academy. She found him sitting near the old swing he used to go to during their academy days. Taking a bit of time to compose herself, Sakura snuck easily behind and whisper as sultry as she can "What you doing?".

Naruto immediately cease his laughter to look at his pink hair angel. He then look left and right to make sure that she was alone.

"Are you talking to me?" Sakura sighed. They are the only two there, well for now anyway.

"Yes baka, I am talking to you." Naruto still was not buying it. He had this strange feeling that at any given moment, legions of girls would appear out of thin air and pelt him with all kinds of things. He look Sakura over, making note of any sign of nervousness, twitching, her luscious lips, her curves, her perky- _Damn it, Naruto, get your mind out of the gutter! Stupid Ero-Sennin, stupid hormones, stupid-Wait oh no! Stay down! I said stay down Naruto Jr.! Oh, I know! Imagine Sasuke naked, imagine Sasuke naked….and he is down and I gotta vomit an entire week worth of food!_

"Hey are you even listening!" Naruto finally got out of his trance to see Sakura standing there with her arms cross.

"(sigh) Really Naruto, you should pay more attention to girl when she is talking to you especially when they are saying they (gulp) love you."

Naruto stood there agape. He wasn't sure if he had just heard right. Did Sakura Haruno, the girl he has been in love with for Kami knows how long, just tell him that she _loves __**him?**_ It didn't take long for him to come up with a logical explanation as to why she said it.

"Sakura, I-I…uh-" He would never finished that sentence as he was soon pelted with objects like tomatoes, chicken bones, soaked books, etc. The assault finally seems to end until a bucket full of some red liquid was poured over him. Everything stops for Sakura. Her eyes never left his figure, head staring at the ground. He slowly raised his head and the look in his eyes shatter Sakura's heart. His eyes asked just one thing: _Why? Why Sakura?_ The pair was lost in each other's gaze, never noticing how the other girls were laughing at Naruto's misfortune.

Naruto left without a word. He wouldn't even acknowledge the tears that stream from both his and Sakura's eyes. How could he anyway when she used his feelings for her like that? And for what? To prank him!

The girls continue their celebration, ignoring the fact that their target left. Sakura couldn't, no wouldn't stay any longer with them. She too headed off in the direction Naruto left. The cheering faded after a bit of a walk. She walks by the bench that her old teammate had left her on so many years back when she was pulled back by a pair of strong arms. A head nestled himself in her bright pink hair, a content sigh parting his lips. A smile broke on Sakura's face.

"You did well my cherry blossom." She turns around to stare into the eyes of a clean Naruto. The smile on her got even bigger when she heard screams coming from the Academy's direction.

***At the Academy***

The celebrations rage on, all the girls dancing around the spot "Naruto" once stood on. Unbeknownst to them, a single clone was making his way towards them. He almost had the urge to laugh but decided not to. Straightening himself up, he whistled to get everyone's attention. When all attention was towards him, he decided to drop the bomb shell.

"Ladies, you may have won the battle, but I won the war." With that said, the clone signaled to another clone to showcase their gift. The second clone, who was located near a flag pole, pull the rope to raise their gift. There in all its flapping glory, stitch together to form a flag, was each girl's favorite pair of underwear. The clones turn about face and mock saluted the flag. They then turn back to the girls with both blowing a kiss towards the group. They then turn to face each other. They nodded at the other and soon balloons filled with Kami know what cover the pinkish orange sky. Screams erupted and the stench of garbage permeated the Academy grounds. Elsewhere, two 'friends' share a lovers' embrace.

"Wow who would have thought you would be quite the prankster to come up with such an ingenious plan?"

"Well when I saw you at the market plaza, I knew you were planning to do something stupid like prank people. And then when you actually told me your plan, I knew I had to help you. I mean seriously, you already did the same prank a thousand times, so I thought it is time for a change."

"Yeah, you are right but c'mon, Sakura, no one knew of this darker side to you. You had everything planned out. You pretended to have been pranked, created a fake document about a fake mission gone wrong and the "injuries" you received, slip that fake piece of information in Ami's hands, pretended to not be my girlfriend for short while, and shed some fake tears along the way. All in all, you are pure evil disguised as an angel."

"Well what can I say? ALL HAIL THE PRANKSTER QUEEN! Hahahaha!"

"By the way Sakura, nice touch on the Ino doll. It looked real convincing to me. For a moment there I thought it was the real Ino. You did great work on it."

"Yeah, uh thanks hehhehehe."

***At Team 7's Training grounds***

A lone figure hung from the spot she was transported to. She may not know by what means she got there but she knew Konoha would soon have a double funeral. One involving a spiky haired blond boy, the other a pink haired girl.

"Sakura, you bitch, get me out of here!"

**P.S. All the girls involve were either civilians or unknown Kunoichi. Hinata and Tenten were never amongst them. **

**No one was hurt in the making of this story. Except maybe the girls' pride. **

**The original version of this story was actually longer but due to my old laptop dying I had to start anew. There were more pranks involved but what can I do. Hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed dreaming up this concept and later typing it out.**


End file.
